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The Reforming Homosexual

What was your life like while you were growing up?
When I was younger , I was confused and I found myself attracted to men. I was lucky, the men were often intelligent and older than me, some of them were also wealthy. At the same, time I used to think that something was wrong with what I was doing. I liked the life, parties and the attention. On looking back now, I felt as though, in all the homosexual relationships that I had, that I had no control over what was happening to me, that I had no voice.
 
What about your relationship with your family?
I grew up with my mother.. I wish that I could have had a relationship where I could be open and talk with my mother about anything. She struggled for us and I am grateful to her for that. One of my sisters is close to me, and she knew about my struggles. She is supportive of what I am doing now. Another brother did not like my lifestyle much. My sister asked me to call my mother and tell her. Another sister had died of HIV related complications the previous year. My mother did not tell me anything bad, she just told me to be careful and make sure that I did not die like my sister.
 
When did you decide to change your lifestyle?
A woman I knew at the time asked me if I was gay, and I told her everything. I told her about the boyfriends. I also told had girlfriends too. She told me her ex-husband was gay, and she did not understand what was happening. She was glad to work with me, to understand what had happened to her husband. For a year, this woman shared some books with me, and counseled me and encouraged me to change my lifestyle. I realized that I could change my  homosexual lifestyle.
 
How did your decision affect your life?
I realized that the flesh is weak, and that all I have to be strong and resist the temptations, so I make sure I avoid situations and places where I could get close to guys who I find attractive. At my workplace, this guy and I were getting close, and I had to tell him that I did not want that kind of relationship. My friends from the past, some of them did not understand. My boyfriends had migrated, some of them appreciate what I am doing, some of them I had to break
off with. I had to change my phone number since people would harass me. When I moved, I also did not let some people know my new address. At the same time, I started making new friends. A lot of things changed too.. I still like dancing, but would not go out to places where there is vulgar dancing. I realized that drinking and smoking were part of that unhealthy lifestyle. I stopped smoking and drinking, I manage to socialize now in way in which I am always sober, with little or no alcohol. The key to what I want to achieve is to avoid temptation.
 
Are you active in the church?
I always used to go to church, and was very active in church activities. However, after getting involved in this Ministry and communicating with a pastor who has escaped from the homosexual lifestyle I started to live y Biblical  principles, I am now looking at religion in a way, not just as religion, but in that I have a relationship with God.
 
Do you want to get married and have a family?
I have a girlfriend, who I will marry. She knows about my past and my bisexuality. I met her in church. She wants to wait until we are married before we have sex, and I appreciate and accept that. There are other ways to show love. One of my friends who joined my faith based organization, recently overcame his homosexual feelings and he fell in love with a girl and married her. In the end, I want to be able to have my wife and children, and be able to deal with my homosexual desires in a good way.
 
Do you have any male companions?
A few weeks ago, I started chatting online with this guy. He is very intelligent and understanding, and we have formed a close relationship.. I could call him my boyfriend. We have not had sex, but we have talked about my desire for a friendship without sex. So far so good, we have managed to spend time together, alone without having sex. So far I have managed to resist that, even though I have been aroused around him. If I succumb to the desires of the flesh, then so be it. I want us both to have an HIV test before we do that. I will also make sure we use condoms. He is an ideal partner, since he is understanding and is not pressuring me. My girlfriend had told me that she does not want to know if I get involved with a guy, and that it is no problem for her. I like that arrangement. I think I need to have a relationship with another man, because I have this kind of gap in my life, and this guy, he fills this void for a male companion.
 
How has your experience affected your relationships with others?
One of the things which I have learnt to do, is to accept my bisexuality and talk to others about dealing with homosexual feelings and not succumbing to them. I talk to young people about abstinence and knowing their bodies and feelings and making choices. Some young guys who want to escape the gay life style are part of my faith based group, and we have support sessions where we discuss all the challenges which we are facing. An important part of my life is now talking to others and giving support to others homosexuals who do not like being that way.
 
What does the future hold for you?
Education is now important for me, and I am glad to get on with my University education, I want to get as far as doing a Masters degree. At the same time, I have my hobbies such as designing and all the different work I do for my organization in facilitating support groups , and in doing education about HIV . I want to own a small business. I have a lot of things to look forward to now.